Lot’s Wife: A Life

TALKING smack about another man’s wife is never a good idea even if she is a drama queen. Commit the deed on the b-ball court and you can expect some scrapes on the pavement. Supposing he is playing pool, then the Scientific Method will decide whether or not you feel the crack of the cue stick across your face before you hear it. Unfortunately for Lot, his wife has remained the talk of the town ever since the town was destroyed. The guy couldn’t catch a break. His daughters scored additional goals of their own, digging him into deeper holes if you know what I mean, thereby bypassing both their mother and the statute of limitations.

Look, I didn’t wake up this morning thinking I would write a biography on the woman, mm-kay? It just kind of happened that way. I’ll let you in on the accidental process if you’re curious. I was digging into The Pilgrim’s Path: The Way To the Millennial Kingdom thinking I would be updating some of the information on Noah’s Ark that I’ve run across as of late. It was a Medieval pilgrimage destination. Well, I never got that far. Pulling the string on the pillar of salt standing by the roadside in Jordan, yet another Medieval pilgrimage destination, was always intended as a demonstration of the shrinking height from Noah’s generation to Abraham’s. She was a giant you know. Successfully smaller with each passing generation but still giants. Until they weren’t. The string proved to be a much longer rope than I ever imagined possible. Maybe a better illustration is that I pulled the cork from the wall, and the wall was a dam. Given the flood of information that fell into my lap, I quickly realized what needed done. The Pilgrim’s Path required it’s second spin-off paper, and fast. FYI, the other spin-off is Labyrinths: Seeking the Kingdom of Heaven Within. And yes, The Muppet-Man Jim Henson comes into it. At the risk of starting a franchise, Noah’s Ark may become my next but one thing at a time.

So I guess that’s what we’re going with. A biography on Lot’s Wife. It’s finally come to this. Everyone wants to know what I’m been working on for the last several weeks. When I tell them, they’re respond blank-faced, “So you’re writing a 2-page biography?” Challenge accepted. I think I can go 3 or 4 pages but 5 might be stretching it. I’m ready if you are. Here we go. There’s no going back.

²³ The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar. ²⁴ Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; ²⁵ And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.

²⁶ But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

Genesis 19:23-26 [KJV]

That’s it. Straight out of the mouth of King Jimmy. Lot’s wife appears in the Bible for one measly line. Mostly. To be clear, she arrives a few verses earlier right alongside her daughters, but only as a set up for her walk-on role as a pillar of salt. Her two daughters become the incestuous hayseed matriarchs of Israel’s yokel neighbors and they are offered a speaking part but nobody finds their lines very memorable, which is why this bio isn’t about them. Contrarily, Lot’s Wife isn’t even handed a single line of dialogue but boy, does she deliver. That performance was one for the ages. All we are waiting for is Siskel and Ebert to offer two thumbs up. Won’t somebody hand her an award?

And so, I suppose that is all I have to say about her life. Story over. Close the book. Goodbye. But wait. There is more, dear reader. Plenty more. I was thumbing through The Paleo Hebrew Torah, kind of minding my own business as I try so often to do, when I came upon the same passage that we’ve only just read.

²³ The sun had risen above the land when La’ut entered Tsa’ur. ²⁴ YAHAUAHA, the EVER-LIVING, then rained upon Sadam, and upon Ghamaraha, lightning and fire from YAHAUAHA, the EVER-LIVING, from the skies, ²⁵ and overwhelmed those towns, them and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the towns, and the produce of the land.

²⁶ But his covenant-woman, who was following after him, looked back with respect, and so, she will exist as a pillar of salt.

Barashayath (Genesis) 19:23-26 [Paleo Hebrew Scriptures]

We’re all aware that she became a pillar of salt but the translator has her existing as a pillar of salt after the fact. And I quote, “she will exist.” Will. I take that to mean ongoing “for a time of long duration” as the translator might say. And no, I did not lead the witness. Pamela Glasgow came up with that on her own simply by digging into the original Hebrew language. Isn’t the paleo neat? We sell it in the TUC Store. Nab a copy, be a part of two-thousand years in the making and get ready to have your mind blown with passages like that one. The way they just creep up on you when you least expect and slap you in the face. It knocked me all the way across the room and straight into this book.

Yes, dear reader, this is a biography concerned with woman’s first fateful encounter with the cosmic salt shaker. But more specifically, everything that happens to her thereafter. And what a life she’s lived! Her starring role as a statue, and she plays it so well, just so happens to hitch a ride into the much larger Millennial Kingdom Investigation that I’ve been heading up over the last decade. She was there for it. Also, all of you who insist the Holy Land was really somewhere else, like in the state of Utah or whatever, will just have to deal with my love of archeological and textual evidence. As it just so happens, the plot of land whereby we find the modern state of Israel proves the Bible true.